I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
