I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize