I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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