I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
do herpes really smell.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Randomize
