i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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