god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
