is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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