well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
