I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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