party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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