In the future we'll all be gay
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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