while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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