He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
