I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
