Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
