ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
