I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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