Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
