I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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