in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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