Swine flu. Run for my life!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
