After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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