He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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