And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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