I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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