I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize