so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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