I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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