Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
