I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
