I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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