the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
