After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
