she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i believe in u and ur pee
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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