She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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