East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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