I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
