O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize