PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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