Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
