my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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