Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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