YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize