that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
