I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
