Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
