I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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