sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
