it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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