I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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