She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
