I want to stick my p in your. b.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
