Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
