Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
