Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
