I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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