I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
