So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
