so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
