I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She's JV to your varsity
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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