2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
