the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
