His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
