is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
