remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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