remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
